Friday, October 12, 2007

Escalating...

It seems to be my word of the month. Things in my life are... escalating. Which isn't always a GOOD thing.

What's escalating right now? My food problems. Most of you know the issues I have with food, but I'll fill in the details for those interested.

Since I was a teenager I have had food issues. I'm not anorexic or bulimic (sp?) but there's a definite disorder happening. It's more of an anxiety induced problem. My stomach "shuts down" on me. I can "feel" it happening. Do you know the feeling of your stomach dropping when you hear something bad? That's almost what it feels like. It happens when I'm stressed or ascared.

When I'm highly stressed I can't eat at all. I live on those Ensure drinks so that I won't DIE.

But that's not the issue I'm dealing with right now. It's my problem of eating in front of people. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Sometimes I know it's going to happen an hour or two before a meal. It happens more often with SOME friends more than others. Sometimes it shuts down after I start EATING a meal.

It used to only happen when Bobby was present, and we were with other people. Now it's happening when he isn't present. It's most embarrassing when you're at a restaurant and it happens.

I get very humiliated. And I have no control over it. I have gotten to the point where I will be physically ill and have to run to the ladies room. Just the SMELL of food will set me off.

It seemed to go in spurts, happening every few months, or sometimes not for a year at a time. But now it's happening again. FREQUENTLY. This past weekend at the beach it happened at almost every meal. Luckily it happened halfway THROUGH the meal so I was able to get some nourishment and attempt to hide from the others that it happened.

I wasn't too successful. Hoopy seems to SENSE when it's happening.

Next weekend is the Intercourse crop. I'm already in a dead panic over going OUT to eat to a restaurant. I've already told Donna about my fear, and I know she'll stick right by my side. NOT that the other girls wouldn't, but Donna's seen this happen to me in person and knows how to handle me.

And it's not just the going to the restaurant part that ascares me. It's every damn meal now. I dread eating with people.

It has NEVER happened when I'm alone, it has never happened when it's just Bobby and I, home or at a restaurant.

I just don't know where to turn with this. It's not a physical issue, but I'm sure there's a drug out there that would help. When I was a teenager my doctor put me on Librax, and I had to take that an hour before each meal to calm me down.

I really don't want to have to do that again.

Thanks for listening... any advice is welcomed. OR if anyone has heard of this before, all information would be VERY appreciated... since I'm not allowed to go on WebMD ;-) I can't exactly research this.

15 comments:

Everlasting Monday said...

:hug:
I really think you should see a doctor. If it helps you get healthy--than maybe the drugs are the way to.
You can eat around me--I won't look.

Janette (scrappinjanettey) said...

:hug:
I don't have any advise... just lots of hugs!

Lynn said...

No advice... just :hug: Luff you!

Paula said...

No advice from me either, just wanted to send some hugs and say I was thinking about you. I hope there is an answer somewhere out there for you!

SueAndrews said...

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} no advice just lots of good thoughts

Carrielyn said...

I'll join in on the no advice but lots of hugs group! ****hugs****

Steve said...

Simple.

Just find the best picture of Bobby available, blow it up, print out 20 copies, cut out his face.

Make all the girls wear it at the table. You'll have dinner with 20 Bobbys.


:)

But no real advice. I'd tell a doctor, especially if it's getting more frequent.

CK Photo said...

anxiety shows in many forms. I have lots of hugs, but also suggest seeing a doctor. There may be other subtle symptoms you don't realize. Lots of meds to help these days.

Parkie said...

I can understand - I'm coming down with some really weird phobias myself lately. Pack lots of Ensure - at the restaurant have them put your meal in a take out and eat it by yourself later. Lots of hugs

Misha said...

hugs here too.

hoopy said...

:hug: you will get through this.

Donna said...

You know I'll have your back. :hug:

{monica} said...

Sounds like anxiety to me...and the more you think about it and worry about it the worse it gets. You definitely should see a doctor though. Hang in there... :hug:

Cyn Pip Pics said...

I'm so sorry you are stressing out on this. Wish I had some answers, but I only relate to the opposite problem - always eating--in front of others or alone. Hope you can find some relief. More hugs here.

Dorothy said...

Lots of {hugs} from way over here in the Pacific. Miss you!!