Sunday, September 20, 2009

3 months...

I haven't talked to my blog in 3 months. Excuse? Let's see... numerous ones.

I do have lots to talk about... for instance: I am now 4-1/2 months post Lexapro. It has been a life changing experience. I went off of it for the right reasons, both issues have righted themselves nicely.

I also made the decision 52 days ago to quit drinking. Drinking has been a huge part of my life since I was a teenager. I went from typical teen binge drinking, to a daily drinker, to a daily drink too MUCHER. For about a year the thought of stopping would cross my mind daily. But I always had a reason NOT to. "After the holidays, I don't want to be NOT drinking during the holidays." "After my birthday, I have to be able to have a drink on my birthday." "After vacation, what's the beach without drinks?" And so on, and so on. And then finally I just up and realized it was time. It was almost like a switch went on (or off?) in my head.

Going through some health issues that may have been made worse by alcohol made it easier to quit. I have so many friends behind me on this... the support has been unanimous and just continues with each day. Bob seems surprised, yet I think he's proud. We don't really discuss it. I find that I shock people with the news. Some almost seem dismayed. Some don't believe that I'll stay sober. After all, I spent 35 years drinking. Happily drinking. LOVED drinking. Loved the buzz... but when the buzz became the impetus to my life, it was time.

What made me laugh a bit was the response of the two AA people I know. They were the ONLY two people that didn't ask "why?". They knew. Without even knowing me well, they KNEW. They had been there. And both have offered me their support 24/7. Cell phone numbers and instructions to call any time, even if it's 2:30am, if I'm in trouble. What an incredible gift.

And actually, it's been easier than I thought. I have had a few craves - one very severe crave last weekend. Almost opened a bottle of wine. Came very close, but overcame it. I kept thinking how proud I was of myself to actually be able to control this - and just worked through it. And the withdrawals, well - they suck. But I'm getting through that also. The mood swings, and the headaches... they are a bitch.

Now, when I think about this, it amazes me - I have done some life changing alterations to my life over the past 4-1/2 months. It started with stopping the Lexapro... then some health issues that I'm still dealing with, then stopping the alcohol... and dropping 22 pounds.

Add all that to a mid-life crisis, and WHOA. I'm amazed at myself that I'm still vertical. And not in a straight jacket. ;-)

As I've become very fond of saying... It is what it is.

To be continued..... ?