Saturday, April 30, 2011

I come by it naturally...

I shared this story with a facebook friend the other day, and forgot how funny it was...

This happened about 25 years ago. My mom was living in Lake Hopatcong at that time, I was in Mt Olive.

My mother was a character. In fact, character is too light of a word. She was funny, naughty, sharp and loving. And 25 years ago, liked to knock back the drinks...

So on with the story. It was a Saturday morning. The phone rang and it was my mother. The conversation went something along these lines:

"Sandi, something happened."

"What, Ma?"

"I think someone broke into my house last night."

"OMG - are you ok?????"

"Yes. I'm fine. But I'm very frightened."

"Did you call the police? Is anything missing?"

"No. Nothing is missing. But they left a NOTE."

"Holy crap - what does it say???"

"I don't know. I can't read it - it's just dirty words and scribbles - it's very strange and frightening."

"Do you want me to come over?"

"Yes. Can you come? I want to show it to you, maybe you can figure out what they were trying to say to me. Say, you don't think it was ALIENS, do you???"

"No, Ma. I don't think it was aliens. Let me jump in the shower and we'll come over in a little while."

"Ok - I'm locking all my doors, just knock when you get here."

SOOOOOO I showered and got ready to go and just as I was leaving the phone rang.

"Sandi? You don't need to come. I figured out what the note was."

"Really? What?"

"I heard a dirty joke on tv last night and I thought it was so funny that I jotted down some words so I'd remember it."

This is what happens when you get very, very tipsy, watch tv and write yourself notes. Don't do that.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Uvula. It's a funny word...

Ok - look at the picture. See the Uvula? It's the punching bag in the back of your throat. Yes, it's a funny word.

A little backstory: I have the ability to open my throat. Really WIDE. (I can hear everyone snickering now) (BEHAVE). My boss cracks up everytime I'm in the chair - you can literally look down my throat without touching anything in my mouth.

I'm a multi-talented tigger.

So the other day I was having a tooth issue. There I was, in the dental chair, patients in the other treatment rooms... and bsgirl (who LOVES to make up her own words for things and people) YELLS from the front desk...



I sh*t you not. The entire office erupted in laughter. Welcome to my world.