Hmmmm.... me?

Go get comfy. This might be a long one. In fact, I may go grab a cup of coffee...

I remember when I first stopped drinking I was greatly concerned that I would lose my "ME". That I would lose my creativity, my love of words, my writing ability (what little of it there is) and my love of dirty and gross... This didn't happen. I found that I still loved the same things, and was able to write and talk about them with the same results. My creativity actually increased... and my focus got better.

That was a huge relief to me.

Then came AA. Six months into it, I know I have changed. I'm a work in progress, and that progress is going to take a long time, perhaps a lifetime, but I'm changing on a daily basis.

And once again, some fear crept in that I was going to change and lose my "ME". I could see the difference in my message board posts... and in my status updates and comments on facebook. I watched myself, almost as if I were looking over my shoulder, as I would type things that I never would have thought to type before.

Things like "Adding you to my prayers"; "hit your knees"; "Can I do anything for you?"; "please call me anytime you need someone to talk to"... stuff like that... I found myself becoming a kinder, gentler tigger. One with compassion instead of detachment. And meaning it. Not just typing the words... really meaning it.

I knew the new brave tigger would be welcomed - ascared tiggers can be trying on your nerves. That part of the new me didn't worry me. It was the baudy, naughty, dirty scraples bo, gross 13 year old boy tigger that seemed to be dwindling... and I was honestly ascared of losing her. Even Jeanne was having trouble doing the Font... trying desperately to find a tiggerism in my Dawg posts...

I was worried that I would lose my tiggerness.

So I asked some people that know me best. And their responses were all the same. I haven't disappeared. I'm just MORE ME, rather than LESS ME! And just so nobody is worried, I still love dirty things, and words like balls, boogers or penetration still make me do the :evil6: face, I love wearing my white socks and lighting candles, my scraples bos still make me wiggle in my seat, I still lust after Cyn's son and truly, any hot guy that crosses my path...

I'm still me.

Dusting it off...

Sniffle, SNEEZE!! Wow... the dust is thick in here. I have excuses. Many of them. Ready?

1) This is the first day I've had to myself since the end of October.
2) Need I go on?

Life has been one crazy journey... the most fun, the most heartache, the most ascary.. journey.

To catch things up, (yes - this is a PRE-post - the actual blog post will come AFTER this) AA is going great - life changing in a good way. Learning more about myself each day. Not necessarily liking what I'm learning, but learning how to FIX what I don't like. So that's a good thing.

Work is work. I guess if I didn't have that to bitch about, I'd find something else.

Still loving facebook, the new RHS1975 page is a hoot - and I've reconnected with a lot of nice people. NEVER in a million years would I have expected this - just read back one year - I was NOT going to revisit high school EVER again - and here I am. Loving it.

Creating... still creating. Made a few angels for gifts... 2 of which went over quite well. The other one? Yeah... NSM. But you can't please everyone, right? Gearing up for Soul Restoration, and in 6 months I will be at Brave Girls Camp.

I find that there are only a few instances that my mind quiets... one is while I'm creating something. So I hope to never lose my passion for art...

So, as you can see, I haven't had a lot to blog about - but promise to be here every day this week. Tomorrow's subject - the new ME. AKA Tigger The New and Improved.

I'm sorry... can you spell that?

Time to laugh. I will tell the Beenis story. Ready?

A new patient called to make an appointment for his young son. The man was VERY hard to understand, Asian and I was having a lot of difficulty deciphering what he was trying to tell me.

I was able to finally understand that his son was 3 years old, and he looked in his mouth and thought he saw a cavity.

OK. This I can work with. So I need to get some information in order to put the patient into the computer. And this is where the story unfolds... last name is changed to protect the innocent... lol)

Me: May I have your name please?

Him: WOOO.

Me: Wooo? Double U oh oh oh?

Him: No. WU. Double U U.

Me. Ah. Wu. May I have your son's name please?

(ready? Here's where it gets interesting)

Him: Penis.

Me: ..... nothing. I got nothing. I'm sitting there in stunned silence.

Me: Penis?

Him: Penis.

Me: (trying to hold back laughter) Can you spell that please?

Him: Bee. e. e. n. i. s.

Me: OHHHHH. B. BEENIS???

Him: Yes! Beenis.

So... shaking with laughter, I finish putting ol' Beenis into the computer, and making up a chart. Beenis has become the talk of the office, and we can't WAIT to meet this poor little boy with such a name.

Finally the day comes... and in walks this adorable little 3 year old... and his father hands me all the paperwork on him.

Yeah. It's not Beenis. It's DENNIS. (((sigh))) His chart forever remained Beenis... and my little sock monkey on my desk? I labeled him. He's Beenis.

SOMEBODY had to be Beenis.

Shhhh. Don't tell tim...

Over the past few years I've developed a wonderful friendship with Mario. I 'met' Mario through tim... and just fell head over heels for this guy. He's amazingly funny, an incredible friend, and just always there when I need to talk, vent or cry on his shoulder.

He's one of the two guys in my life that tell me to CHILL. He's also the one that will be bailing me out...

He's the reason I tweet. (and I still don't get twitter - I'm a loyal facebook girl) And if you don't follow him on twitter, you're missing out on great BTS stuff!!

Just wanted him to know how much he means to me - even though we've never met in person, (SOMEDAY!!) I still consider him a good friend... and I thank you for being there for me!!

The things that happen to me...

So I know I've had problems in the past with mistaken identity. If you recall an older blog post about the hunky guy I was eyeing at the park... the one that turned out to be a FEMALE... well... I did it again. Only this time I did it even BETTER.

I was leaving the office last night, walking down the sidewalk to the parking lot. I saw a man and a couple of kids walking toward me. I swore I knew this man. I swore I not only KNEW this man, I liked this man, and I swore not only did I know him and LIKE him, I like to flirt with him.

Yes. I admit it. I flirt. Outrageously. But that's not the issue here.

So before I know it, my flirt instinct pops out and I give this guy a huge smile, a come-hither look, tossing my hair and thrusting the tatas. You know, typical flirt stance.

He looks at me, and gives me a HUGE smile back... and I'm quite certain there was a come-hither look in HIS eyes also, except they were hidden behind sunglasses. It's at this point I realize I do not know this man.

He is a stranger. You would think the fact that he had small kids with him would have tipped me off. Since the man I thought he was has 2 kids in college. But that's beside the point.

At the same moment my brain is registering OMG I DON'T KNOW YOU, HIS brain is registering OMG THIS WOMAN WANTS TO JUMP MY BONES.

I turned a most lovely shade of purple and speedwalked to my car.

These things only happen to me. I'm not sure why. Probably just so I can amuse my friends by letting them laugh at me.

365 days...

Better known as one year... I made it. I made it with the help and love and support of my friends and family - and for the past month, the help of AA.

I cannot sing the praises of AA enough - this was the best move EVER.

I'm happy... in almost all areas of my life right now. I say almost with a bit of a grimace. Maybe one day all areas will be happy, I'm sure hoping so.

But if it's not? I'll be ok. I'm a brave girl, remember?

Baking The Bod and Tanning The Tatas

This is my new lounge chair. Some of you are aware of the angst that occurred during the lounge chair search. I have to say, the wait was worth it. I ended up with exactly what I wanted. Or at least I thought I did.

Now. How do I tell him that I still can't lay (lie?) on my stomach because it's too uncomfortable?

It's not the chair's fault. It's the tatas. What I have discovered is that I can only tan my back when I'm in the sand and can dig out a nice hole for the tatas to drop into.

I don't care who sees me do it. I sculpt a beautiful hole, perfectly sized and placed, and then drop 'em in. And then I'm done for 30 minutes or until my arms fall asleep. Whichever comes first.

So you should visualize my body right now. I've been tanning my front for well over a month. I'm pretty damn tan. Until I turn my back on you.

I have a brown frontside and a white backside. And I have 5 days until I can drop the tatas into sand... so if you see me in the grocery store, please try not to stare at my backside.

And by backside I don't mean my arse. Although if you want to stare at that, go ahead. Just don't comment on it's whiteness. Spanks...