Shhhh. Don't tell tim...

Over the past few years I've developed a wonderful friendship with Mario. I 'met' Mario through tim... and just fell head over heels for this guy. He's amazingly funny, an incredible friend, and just always there when I need to talk, vent or cry on his shoulder.

He's one of the two guys in my life that tell me to CHILL. He's also the one that will be bailing me out...

He's the reason I tweet. (and I still don't get twitter - I'm a loyal facebook girl) And if you don't follow him on twitter, you're missing out on great BTS stuff!!

Just wanted him to know how much he means to me - even though we've never met in person, (SOMEDAY!!) I still consider him a good friend... and I thank you for being there for me!!

The things that happen to me...

So I know I've had problems in the past with mistaken identity. If you recall an older blog post about the hunky guy I was eyeing at the park... the one that turned out to be a FEMALE... well... I did it again. Only this time I did it even BETTER.

I was leaving the office last night, walking down the sidewalk to the parking lot. I saw a man and a couple of kids walking toward me. I swore I knew this man. I swore I not only KNEW this man, I liked this man, and I swore not only did I know him and LIKE him, I like to flirt with him.

Yes. I admit it. I flirt. Outrageously. But that's not the issue here.

So before I know it, my flirt instinct pops out and I give this guy a huge smile, a come-hither look, tossing my hair and thrusting the tatas. You know, typical flirt stance.

He looks at me, and gives me a HUGE smile back... and I'm quite certain there was a come-hither look in HIS eyes also, except they were hidden behind sunglasses. It's at this point I realize I do not know this man.

He is a stranger. You would think the fact that he had small kids with him would have tipped me off. Since the man I thought he was has 2 kids in college. But that's beside the point.

At the same moment my brain is registering OMG I DON'T KNOW YOU, HIS brain is registering OMG THIS WOMAN WANTS TO JUMP MY BONES.

I turned a most lovely shade of purple and speedwalked to my car.

These things only happen to me. I'm not sure why. Probably just so I can amuse my friends by letting them laugh at me.

365 days...

Better known as one year... I made it. I made it with the help and love and support of my friends and family - and for the past month, the help of AA.

I cannot sing the praises of AA enough - this was the best move EVER.

I'm happy... in almost all areas of my life right now. I say almost with a bit of a grimace. Maybe one day all areas will be happy, I'm sure hoping so.

But if it's not? I'll be ok. I'm a brave girl, remember?

Baking The Bod and Tanning The Tatas

This is my new lounge chair. Some of you are aware of the angst that occurred during the lounge chair search. I have to say, the wait was worth it. I ended up with exactly what I wanted. Or at least I thought I did.

Now. How do I tell him that I still can't lay (lie?) on my stomach because it's too uncomfortable?

It's not the chair's fault. It's the tatas. What I have discovered is that I can only tan my back when I'm in the sand and can dig out a nice hole for the tatas to drop into.

I don't care who sees me do it. I sculpt a beautiful hole, perfectly sized and placed, and then drop 'em in. And then I'm done for 30 minutes or until my arms fall asleep. Whichever comes first.

So you should visualize my body right now. I've been tanning my front for well over a month. I'm pretty damn tan. Until I turn my back on you.

I have a brown frontside and a white backside. And I have 5 days until I can drop the tatas into sand... so if you see me in the grocery store, please try not to stare at my backside.

And by backside I don't mean my arse. Although if you want to stare at that, go ahead. Just don't comment on it's whiteness. Spanks...

Fitting in...

Met up with 8 people from high school last night. I put my Brave Girl pants on, and went by myself... Out of the 8, one is my friend, the others I barely knew...

But I knew they were the cool kids. And I wasn't that cool kid. And it was the most surreal feeling in the world to be sitting there with them, talking and laughing as if I were a part of their world. (remember that high school world that I said I was saying goodbye to and putting behind me? Yah. I lied)


I kept wondering how I would appear to them. If they would like me. If I looked good enough. If I laughed enough, or talked too much... or if I was boring and painful to listen to.

Does that feeling of awkwardness ever go away? Considering my age, I guess not.

These people were nothing but nice, warm, caring and fun. I just couldn't shake the old feelings of inadequacy. Always wanting to be better, and prettier, and funnier and, well... just FIT IN with the cool kids.

I'm so glad I went, and that I stayed... and all I want to know is what they said about me after I left. ;-)

I crack myself up sometimes.

I am a Brave Girl...

Officially.

In July of 2011, Donna and I will attend Brave Girls Camp. Ever hear of it? Here's a link: http://www.bravegirlsclub.com/

It sounds phenomenal.. and we are beyond excited. I'm told it's a life changing experience...

And just the fact that I booked it and stood up for myself makes me a brave girl already!!!!!

First and Foremost...

I made the top 100. That is exciting - but I can't just graciously accept congratulations.

I had nothing to do with it. All I did was enter. Sure, that was big (for ME) but all I did was click some keys and enter.

It was my friends that got me there. It was the love and kindness of my friends, and THEIR friends that put me where I needed to be.

I am forever grateful.

People ask me what's next now... and the answer is this - it's before the judges, I'm not even thinking about it- I did what I set out to do. Top 100. That's all I needed.