Met up with 8 people from high school last night. I put my Brave Girl pants on, and went by myself... Out of the 8, one is my friend, the others I barely knew...
But I knew they were the cool kids. And I wasn't that cool kid. And it was the most surreal feeling in the world to be sitting there with them, talking and laughing as if I were a part of their world. (remember that high school world that I said I was saying goodbye to and putting behind me? Yah. I lied)
I kept wondering how I would appear to them. If they would like me. If I looked good enough. If I laughed enough, or talked too much... or if I was boring and painful to listen to.
Does that feeling of awkwardness ever go away? Considering my age, I guess not.
These people were nothing but nice, warm, caring and fun. I just couldn't shake the old feelings of inadequacy. Always wanting to be better, and prettier, and funnier and, well... just FIT IN with the cool kids.
I'm so glad I went, and that I stayed... and all I want to know is what they said about me after I left. ;-)
I crack myself up sometimes.
3 comments:
We all know you are cool, so they have to know you are too. But high school is burned on your psyche.
Sandi...you were always one of the cool kids in my book! I was too shy to ask you out!
I think that its too bad that kids have to go threw those feelings, in childhood, Only to realize in adulthood that they made big mistakes on how they treated their classmates.. I think they missed out, on hanging out with a very smart and creative person.. And weve just met not long ago. HUGS Rose
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