Saturday, June 19, 2010
Met up with 8 people from high school last night. I put my Brave Girl pants on, and went by myself... Out of the 8, one is my friend, the others I barely knew...
But I knew they were the cool kids. And I wasn't that cool kid. And it was the most surreal feeling in the world to be sitting there with them, talking and laughing as if I were a part of their world. (remember that high school world that I said I was saying goodbye to and putting behind me? Yah. I lied)
I kept wondering how I would appear to them. If they would like me. If I looked good enough. If I laughed enough, or talked too much... or if I was boring and painful to listen to.
Does that feeling of awkwardness ever go away? Considering my age, I guess not.
These people were nothing but nice, warm, caring and fun. I just couldn't shake the old feelings of inadequacy. Always wanting to be better, and prettier, and funnier and, well... just FIT IN with the cool kids.
I'm so glad I went, and that I stayed... and all I want to know is what they said about me after I left. ;-)
I crack myself up sometimes.